June 13, 2015
One day, the angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them. The Lord said to Satan, “Where have you come from?”
Satan answered the Lord, “From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it. Spent a little extra time in New York City. Man … uh, God … I love that place.”
Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my white evangelical servants? There is no one on earth like them; smug and self-centered, folks who fear anyone unlike them and who shun compassion.”
“Yeah, I know them well; they’re easily duped. I rarely bother with them any longer; there’s little challenge in deceiving them.”
“Well then, Satan, how’d you like an opportunity to put their gullibility and insincerity to the ultimate test? A do-or-die challenge of their true loyalties.”
“Well then, Satan, how’d you like an opportunity to put their gullibility and insincerity to the ultimate test? A do-or-die challenge of their true loyalties.”
“I’m listening.”
“Have you heard of a man named Donald Trump?”
“Heard of him? Sure. He’s a dimwitted goofball who, despite his many defects, has mastered the art of the con. He’s become supremely adept at taking advantage of other humans—especially the gullible ones. … Satan’s eyes dance gleefully. “Oh, now I see.”
“That’s right, Satan. We’re going to use this dimwitted goofball, as you call him, to expose the hypocrisy and avarice of America’s white evangelicals. I’m fed up with these phony folks who pretend to worship me while they despise their fellow humans who differ from them.”
“Why should I help you, Yahweh?”
The flicker of flames forming at the edges of Yahweh’s all-seeing eyes ends the conversation. Satan then departs to do Yahweh’s bidding.
725 5th Ave, New York, NY, June 15, 2015
Satan, invisible but still tantalizingly tangible, whispers into Donald Trump’s ear: “You’ve waited long enough, Donald. It’s time. Do it. You know you’re superior. You’re the smartest, the wisest, the strongest, the bravest … and, of course, the best-looking. And, hell, if you lose, you still win by gaining more name recognition—and that, as you know, is all you need in order to profit by branding. Do it now, Donald. Grab Melania; get on that escalator and go announce your candidacy for president of the United States. Do it, Donald.”
June 16, 2015
So nice, thank you very much. That’s really nice. Thank you. It’s great to be at Trump Tower. It’s great to be in a wonderful city, New York. And it’s an honor to have everybody here. This is beyond anybody’s expectations. There’s been no crowd like this.
And, I can tell, some of the candidates, they went in. They didn’t know the air-conditioner didn’t work. They sweated like dogs. …
Thank you. It’s true, and these are the best and the finest. When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.
Adoring fans cheer enthusiastically as the newly-announced candidate rambles on, skipping from one topic to another—with no apparent order, stream-of-consciousness like—for three-quarters of an hour, finally concluding,
Sadly, the American dream is dead. But if I get elected president I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make America great again.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Satan smirks, satisfied. Donald grins, gratified.
Jerry Falwell, Jr. presses the TV remote’s off button and contemplates, concerned.
A few months later…
“Michael Cohen, Jerry Falwell here.”
“Hey, Jerry, how ya doin’ today?”
“Fine, Mike, fine. Hey, regarding that deal you offered…”
“Yeah?”
“I’m in. Make those photos disappear—and any news about them—and “I’ll do it.”
Satan smirks, satisfied. Jerry gulps, fearful but hopeful.
January 26, 2016
“I am proud to offer my endorsement of Donald J. Trump for President of the United States. He is a successful executive and entrepreneur, a wonderful father and a man who I believe can lead our country to greatness again.” – Jerry Falwell, Jr.
January 26, 2016
“America will only be a great nation when we have leaders of strong character who will defend both unborn children and the dignity of women. We cannot trust Donald Trump to do either.” – Penny Nance, Concerned Women for America
May 4, 2016
“… there’s been a number of people in this race that I’ve had a heart for and really felt like would be fantastic leaders and Donald Trump is not one of them.” – Penny Nance, Concerned Women for America
Satan grimaces. “I have work to do.”
September 30, 2016
“Trump Campaign Announces National Co-Chairs of Pro-life Coalition.” Included on the list of national co-chairs: Penny Nance, President and CEO of Concerned Women of America.
October 10, 2016
Back in July, Donald Trump landed an endorsement from Wayne Grudem, one of the most respected theologians in the evangelical community.
This weekend he lost it.
Following Trump’s most recent scandal—a leaked tape from nine years ago of him bragging about sexually assaulting women and getting away with it because he is a celebrity—Grudem has withdrawn his endorsement of Trump, saying, “I cannot commend Trump’s moral character, and I strongly urge him to withdraw from the election.” – Church Leaders Magazine
Note: Grudem later changed course again and reaffirmed his support of Trump.
November 2, 2016
“Penny Nance from Concerned Women For America [and newly selected co-chair for Trump’s National Pro-Life Coalition] discussed her support for Donald Trump, saying that despite his personal failings, he is still a better choice than Hillary Clinton.” – CBS News
November 8, 2016
Donald Trump gets 46.42 percent of the popular vote, but wins the presidency with 306 Electoral College votes. Eighty-one percent of white evangelicals vote for Trump.
Satan gloats, gratified.
December 31, 2016
“I think maybe God has allowed Donald Trump to win this election to protect this nation for the next few years by giving maybe an opportunity to have some good judges.” – Franklin Graham
January 20, 2017: Inauguration Day
“Mr. President, in the Bible, rain is a sign of God’s blessing. And it started to rain, Mr. President, when you came to the platform,” said [Franklin] Graham. “And it’s my prayer that God will bless you, your family, your administration, and may He bless America.”
January 17, 2018
“Stormy Daniels admitted that she and President Donald Trump had an affair just four months after Melania Trump gave birth.”
And he had Michael Cohen pay Daniels $130,000 to keep the affair quiet.
Note: by the end of his first term, 26 women will accuse Donald J. Trump of sexual misconduct.
January 24, 2018
“We kind of gave him [Trump]—All right, you get a mulligan. You get a do-over here.” – Tony Perkins, president of the evangelical Family Research Council
January 25, 2018
The angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them. The Lord said to Satan, “Where have you come from?”
Satan answered the Lord, grinning, “From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it. Oh, yes, and also from completing the assignment you gave me. I’m sure you’ve seen the results.”
“Indeed I have. I’m disappointed but not surprised to see this from people who pretend to worship me, but who actually worship power and seek to realign my world in their image. I don’t know how I could have made it plainer. I told them, ‘Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.’ Yet these people who claim to know me and to follow me, chose a leader who mocks and belittles the disabled, and refuses to help the poor and needy. I Give up; they’re on their own.”
October 20, 2020
The angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them. The Lord said to Satan, “Where have you come from?”
Satan answered the Lord, “From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it. And let me tell you, Sir, nothing has changed among those evangelicals you wanted me to test; they are—”
“Enough, Satan. I told you, I’m finished with them.”
Satan exits, smirking, eyebrows raised. “I’m not.”
On The Fence Voters 
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